Irony

Irony: Losing the work ethic certificate paper that you were told to keep..

Ah, it is that time again...time for students to turn in their work ethic certificates.

Time for students who have a 20% to ask why I circled "never" on their work ethic standard.

Time for students to ask if they can turn their work ethic papers in late (like last year).

Time for students to have the "oh, crap, I should have actually done work all year" epiphany.

You've got to love the end of the year!

Deplorable!

For those of you who have been around my blog for awhile, you may remember me blogging about China, a dog whose owner was accused of abusing her...only to get her back. I was outraged by this decision...especially since she had a chain embedded in her neck. But, hey, the guy PROMISED to never let it happen again, so the judge gave him his dog back.

And today, he did it again. Today the story broke that the dog was found filthy, cold and wet outside in a pen...a clear violation of his solemn promise to take care of the dog...which included not leaving her outside.

I was angry when the first story broke, and I am angry now...because we all knew how this would turn out. We knew this guy would most likely not take care of this dog, but he was given a second chance. A second chance that most of us knew he didn't deserve and wouldn't take advantage of.

Now it is time for China to get a second chance. A chance at a life that includes love, warmth and a family who appreciates her for her.

We can only hope it isn't too late.

Jeff Foxworthy...My Hero.

I am stressed out (the end of the school year does that to me...not to mention a few other things that have occurred over the last few days...but that's another story). To de-stress, I wanted to share these funny things with all of you. I hope you all get a chuckle out of a couple of them. Any of you who ever worked in education...or even set foot in a school...should find something to laugh about :-)

Jeff Foxworthy on Educators

YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, 'Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.'

YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it is going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe, 'shallow gene have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.'

YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the 'lounge.'

YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.

YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, 'Why is this kid like this?'

YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school employee if the words 'I have college debt for this?' has ever come out of your mouth.

YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!

I am a FREAK of Nature...

(no comments from the peanut gallery, please...)

I hurt my neck Sunday night. I have no idea how I did it. All I know is that I have been walking around unable to comfortably turn my head from one side to the other. And, let's face it, at this point I don't care what caused it...I just want it fixed! Today the pain was so bad (as in it nearly made me ill, bad) that I decided I needed to call the doctor. This is a big deal for me...anyone who knows me knows that I will do just about ANYTHING to keep from going there.

I get an appointment at 3:15. That means I have to leave work early (only by ten minutes) because, although we TECHNICALLY can leave at 2:45, there is no way I would have ever made it out of out parking lot's one exit that accommodates all the staff, parent and student drivers that our school has to offer. In fact, unless you hightail it out of the parking lot by 2:25:30, you are stuck until at least 3:00...at least.

But I digress...(as usual)

I got to the doctor thinking I would see him, he would prescribe some pain medication and I would be on my way. I wasn't nervous about this trip, I had no anxiety and I was cool, calm, and collected. Sure, it was weird that I wasn't seeing my normal doctor (he was off today), but I didn't think that would matter. He poked around on my neck, listened to my breathing, asked some routine questions and said that he thinks it was a muscle inflammation. This was an easy trip...

Until he mentioned a shot. If this had been my regular doctor, he would have known better than to mention that word to me (we have a standing agreement that, unless I am seconds from death, he does not, under any circumstance, stick me with needles...bad things happen). I wanted to shout "NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" but I didn't. I stayed silent...thinking to myself: "Shan, you're 30 years old...you can handle this. Stop your whining."

So in comes the nurse with the *gulp* needle. I told her that I have a problem with needles and I often pass out...I wanted to tell her "It's true...I do. Ask my husband...he'll tell you...now, can we act like you did it and send me on my way?"...but I didn't. I allowed her to stick me with the offending (and enormous...as in gigantic) needle.

At first I was fine. I sat for a couple of minutes and felt okay (really, I did), so I thought I was out of the woods. After all, I ate breakfast and lunch today so my body wasn't in food deprived shock or anything (as it was the last two times I passed out). I got up, walked out of the exam room and down the hall and I started to feel a little woozy. I kept thinking "just get outside...the fresh air will help...just get outside."

I made it outside...to my car..in my car...and that was as far as I was going. I felt it happening. I broke into a cold sweat, I started shaking from head to toe and my ears started ringing. I knew I should go back into the doctor's office, but I also knew that I would never make it...I knew would collapse halfway to the door. So I did the only thing I can think of--I called TJ. I would have called the doctor's office, but I didn't even know the number at that moment. TJ called the office and next thing I knew I three nurses are tapping on my car window.

I opened the door and they ask the dumbest question: "Honey, are you okay?"

Sure...I'm peachy. I'm just sitting in my car shaking from head to toe with my head between my knees, in a cold sweat and pale as death...but I'm swell. You should see me on a bad day.

They got me out of the car and began slowly walking me to the door. As I am walking, it's happening...the full blown pass out symptoms. The world started going black from the sides, my ears were ringing so loudly it was drowning everyone out...and as we got into the door I made it to a wall and slid all the way down...and I couldn't get up.

They had to bring out a wheelchair and wheel me back into the offices, find me a place to lay down and recover. Luckily everything was still pretty blacked out so I have no idea how many people were in the waiting room...staring at the freak who collapsed in the entryway.

They found me a place to relax, got me to lie down and I started breathing normally again...and went into some deep breathing for a while to try to calm myself down. The whole time I was thinking "I am a fricking freak of nature...I know NO ONE else who does this...NO ONE!!!"

Eventually, my vision came back and my hearing lost the ring. I stopped sweating that icky cold sweat and I could sit up again. I sat for a few minutes making sure I had my bearings. After all, I don't think the nurses would be so kind if they had to come and get me again.

Then I walked out, head held high...mainly because I have no idea how many people in that waiting room saw my freak show...after all, I was blacked out, so as far as I was concerned, no one was there. I was just a regular girl doing regular things at the doctor's office...no way was I the freak passing out in her car...

I made it home, but my arm hurts like hell because of the *eek* shot...at least that has taken my mind off the pain in my neck...at least the one I went to the doctor for.

This post brought to you by the number 200...as in posts :-)

How to De-Stress

My mom forwarded this to me and I wanted to share it with all of you:

40 Tips for Better Life - 2008

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water.. Eat blueberries, flax and other seeds, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything. 2
7. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. GOD heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I'm thinking of ya!
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

I guess that means I care about all of you :-) Pass this on to those you feel may need a little help.

Philosophy?

I used to be a die-hard Origins girl, but the products ended up drying me out so much after 6 months that I had to stop using them. It was awful. I am using some Neutrogena products now, but I am still not getting the results that I really want, so I am off and hunting again for a great skin-care regimen, and I thought I would ask for your input.

Have any of you ever used the Philosophy line of beauty products? I have been reading about them a lot and have read all good things. Compared to other skin care brands (Origins, Ahava, etc.) the prices seem reasonable and they really push the idea that they can create "make-up optional" skin.

Any thoughts on this line? Let me know. I may give it a shot over the summer, but I wanted to see if anyone had any input.

Heads or Tails Tuesday!

Today's HoT theme is direction or directing...

I was unsure as to which direction to go with this tonight. I could talk about my feeble attempts at directing freshmen in very rough reading/performance of Romeo and Juliet. I could talk about the direction the economy seems to be going (down) or the direction airline prices are definitely going (up). I could talk about how great I am at following driving directions but how bad I am at remembering them (it takes me forever to remember how to get certain places...even if I have been there more than once.) I could even talk about which direction I would like to go for vacation (south, please)...but I won't.

Instead, I am going to talk about direction change in my classroom...in the manner of desks.

I found that the quickest way to mess with kids is just to move the desks. Over Spring break I went in and rearranged everything and faced the desks in a new direction. You should have seen the kids faces when they came in that Monday--they didn't know what to do. I was blown away that a simple direction change could stop thirty 14 year olds in their tracks. I directed all of them to sit anywhere (for the time being) and many of them remained rooted to one spot...obviously confused by the fact that:

1. There was a new seating arrangement
2. I didn't have a seating chart planned out for them yet.

Eventually they got over the change and they have since adapted to the new direction. I guess now I know how to get their attention. Funny. I never thought something that a simple desk direction change could be my best classroom management tool.

Someone should put that in a college course...

EARTHQUAKE!!!

Okay, so it isn't that dramatic. We did have a little tremor here this morning. Funny thing is that I am relying on everyone else's word for it because I didn't feel a thing.

Nada. Zip. Zero.

Not that I am complaining. I'm sure that a random shaking and rumbling would have scared the crap out of me at 5:37 this morning, but I can't help but wonder why I didn't even notice it. I was awake and walking through my house at 5:37. It wasn't like I was in the shower or had the hair dryer going or anything. I was just walking around.

As I told my fellow blogger, The Cranky Librarian, I am either oblivious to the world around me or I have a damn sturdy house.

Heads or Tails!

Today's HoT Topic...Tip or anything that rhymes with tip.

I am going to go with TIP.

I am working on a list of TIPS that students should know. Really it's a list of real life lessons they are learning in school...I just don't think they know they are learning them.

Here is the rough draft of my TIPS for students:

1. Due means due. When you get out of school, the electric company isn't going to care that you "just forgot" to pay your bill. They will turn your electric off and make you pay a late fee.
2. Some jobs will fire you for chronic tardiness. They don't care that your best friend broke up with her boyfriend or that you just had to answer your text. Break the tardy habit now.
3. Sometimes you will have to work with people (or for people) you don't like. It is a fact of life. Learn to deal with that now to avoid potential problems later.
4. Rules are made to be followed (not broken). Rules are in place to maintain order and avoid potential problems. Your boss will not care if you think a rule is fair or not. He will only care that you follow it.
5. Promotions aren't just given out. They are earned. If you want to advance in life, you must work for it. No one is going to just hand you what you want. Earn what you have.
6. A 70% is not a success rate. You would not go to a doctor who was right only 70% of the time. You wouldn't hire a lawyer who only knew 70% of the law and you wouldn't want to listen to a musician hit only 70% of her notes. Strive for better.
7. Life is not always fair. It is how you deal with the times life seems unfair that shows who you truly are.
8. Sometimes life is hard. Accepting the challenges and rising above them show commitment and drive. People like that...and you will like the outcome if you stick with it instead of giving up.
9. Preparation is key. If your boss ever asks you to do a presentation, entertain clients, plan a lesson, change a transmission or send out a memo, you need to think of what the task consists of ahead of time. Lack of preparation on your part could result in bad business for your company.
10. Everyone has the potential for greatness. It is what you do with that potential that determines your success. Never settle for less than what you deserve...even if others are saying otherwise.

What do you think? What advice do you wish you would have gotten while you were still in school?

Ho, Hum

I haven't blogged for quite some time. Why? Because I really can't think of much of anything to blog about.

Sure, I could blog about my husband causing chaos while finishing our basement. I could talk about wanting to paint my bathroom. I could talk about my odd desire to try expensive face products. I could blog about my dogs' latest bout with allergies and the ridiculous regimen they are one now. I could even talk about Big Brother, The Biggest Loser, or Hell's Kitchen.

But I don't want to.

Instead I find myself blogging about not really knowing what to blog about. It makes me think of all the times I have students write about trying to find something to write. I always giggle and chuckle at those papers (nothing like reading a personal narrative about writing a personal narrative). And now here I am. Blogging about trying to find a blogging topic.

Damn. I'm lame.

Ridiculous 101

If I were a resident of Brooklyn, Ohio, I would be ticked off right now because my tax dollars went towards a man's 4 hour stay in jail.

Over a $4.00 case of soft drinks.

Here is the story, seen on WLWT's website:

Man Charged After Soda Forgotten In Cart
Man Charged With Petty Theft, Spends 4 Hours In Jail

BROOKLYN, Ohio -- Have you ever put a case of water or something heavy under your shopping cart and then forgotten about it?

A Cleveland man did, and it landed him in jail, television station WEWS reported.

Tom Sturgis has a long receipt showing the $157.20 worth of two grocery carts full of groceries that he bought at a Brooklyn supermarket Saturday night. After going through the self checkout, Sturgis said he forgot a $4 case of pop under the cart.

A police officer working security at the store asked to see his receipt.

"I went looking for the receipt, the pop wasn't on it and they decided to have me arrested," he said.

Sturgis was arrested on a petty theft charge.

Sturgis, who said he has never had so much as a parking ticket, found himself being led out of the store in handcuffs. He spent 11:30 p.m. until 3 a.m. in jail that night.

At home, his wife said she couldn't believe what was happening.

"It's over a case of pop," said Wendy Sturgis. "He turned around and offered to go back in and pay for it and the cop told him it's like robbing a bank, you just can't get caught robbing a bank and say, 'I'm sorry, I'll give you your money back.'"

Sturgis said he made a simple mistake -- one made by many shoppers at one time or another. Now his family worries how the arrest will impact them long term.

"You know, it could affect his job," Wendy said. "You know, what do we do next, get a lawyer? Well, that's easier said than done, you know, it costs money."

Have you ever read anything so ridiculous? Really, haven't we all forgotten something from time to time. It's not like he ran out of teh store with it screaming "I stole your soft drinks!" It was an accident...a mistake. One that could cost him his job.

I guess we'll all think twice before shopping in Brooklyn, Ohio...I would hate to think what they would have done if he had two cases...