The Courtesy Wave

I don't know when it started, but it seems to be the norm to wave to acknowledge that someone has done something courteous for you when you are driving. Maybe they let you out of a parking lot, gave you their parking space, let you over on the expressway. It wasn't actually part of my driver's test and I know that my driving instructor never actually said to me "You should always wave when someone grants you a favor on the road," but I somehow knew to do it. Maybe it is some weird instinct that we have...a recessed thing that comes out in all of us as soon as we get that first driver's licence. Maybe we learn it because we watched our parents do it while we were in the car. Whatever the reason or mystery behind it, we all seem to know what it is. But lately, it seems that more and more people are not giving the courtesy wave.

I hadn't actually noticed until this weekend while I was out with a friend. She waved someone out of a parking lot and the person pulled out and never gave the courtesy wave. She made a comment about how upset it made her that the person couldn't even wave to say thanks. At first I didn't understand her frustration, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she had every right to be upset.

If you think about it, the courtesy wave is like the thank you of the automobile world. If we give someone a gift, grant them a favor or offer assistance, we expect a "thank you" in response. If we don't get one, we tend to get upset. I know that when I was a kid if I forgot to say thank you for a gift or other treat it was promptly taken away from me. So it stands to reason that when you grant someone a favor on the road that they would say thanks...with the courtesy wave. Unfortunately, if we don't get the wave we can't take our "treat" back. Instead we get to stew over it blog about it later :-)

I think it has to do with the lack of politeness in the world in general. I know that I don't hear please and thank you very much at work from kids anymore. My mom, who works with kindergarten kids, says she has to remind kids all the time to say please and thank you. My own husband often forgets to say please if he asks me to do something (it's to the point I won't do it until he says it). It's sad that I say that but even sadder that please isn't the norm for many people anymore. It seems polite requests are a thing of the past and abrupt demands have taken their place.

Now that I think about it, it seems that general politeness is dwindling--not just the use of please and thank you. I went to Kohl's yesterday and walked in two steps behind two women. Instead of holding the door for me, the one woman just let the door slam shut...on both sets of doors. And then, when they got into the store, the both stood blocking the entry door. I don't know why not holding doors bothers me so much, but I guess it's the same reason not giving the courtesy wave upset my friend. How long does it take to give a little wave or hold a door? Not long at all...and the results of those two actions are usually positive and acknowledge that there are other people around you who help you or need your help.

Maybe the dwindling of the courtesy wave is directly correlated to the diminishing use of thank you in our society. Maybe it's just because our society is becoming more egocentric. Whatever it is, we need to make a change. So today, hold a door for someone. Offer to carry groceries, give the courtesy wave...it is time that we found those polite instincts--both on and off the road.