Anniversary Advice

Today is my five year wedding anniversary. Weren't we cute?

I found out very quickly that when you share a life with someone, you learn quite a bit about them and yourself. It isn't easy going from an individual to a couple. I would like to share a few of the things that I have learned/observed with you today.

1. In an argument, no one is ever really right or wrong. You think you're right and s/he thinks s/he's right--and that is how it will be. If you both saw things the same way, you wouldn't be fighting.
2. When fighting, choose your words carefully--you don't want to say anything that you will later (or immediately) regret.
3. Women: men will never truly understand why we want throw pillows on the bed.
4. Men: PLEASE make sure you always put the toilet seat back down--women do not like a wet rear end at two in the morning (and you can probably avoid one of those fights mentioned in #1)
5. Compromise. You won't always get your way. It is no longer just about the "me." It's now about the "us."
6. Share the load. TJ and I both work and we are both tired when we come home, so we split duty when it comes to dinner. I cook, he does dishes. That way we both have a chance to relax a little.
7. Support one another--especially in front of others. Even if you think your husband/wife may be in the wrong a little in a situation, don't ever side with someone else.
8. Learn to listen. It isn't always about needing to fix the situation--sometimes your husband/wife just wants someone to talk to--be that person.
9. Listen to what is important to one another and make and effort to do those things. It will make your husband/wife happy and, in turn, make you happy. This has to go both ways, though.
10. Be willing to change (a little). I'm not saying that you need to become an entirely different person, but be flexible (it goes back to the compromise thing).
11. Don't make big decisions without one another. This includes things like: buying a car, spending a large amount of money, making decorating decisions, etc. Remember: "we" not "me."
12. Learn to love something that your husband/wife loves. (or at least try to). TJ started playing golf a while ago. I decided if it was important to him I would give it a shot (no pun intended). I was horrible at it and I don't really play anymore, but he loved the fact that i tried. In turn, he has gone to a few musicals with me and listened to jazz with me (two things that he previously would have never done).
13. Make each other laugh.
14. Remember stupid anniversaries (the first time you met, the first time you kissed, etc.) Maybe re-enact one of your first dates. Corny is okay.
15. Love your in laws. When you got married, you didn't just marry your husband/wife--you married into a whole family. Just because they do things differently than you and your family doesn't mean that they do things wrong (refer to #1, 5, and 10).
16. It's okay to keep separate interests and do things apart from one another--as long as you always come back.
17. Don't be jealous of your husband/wife. You are a team--what's good for him/her is good for you, too.
18. Do things without being asked (or after being asked the first time)
19. Never go to bed, work, out of town, etc. angry (I know that is a cliche, but it's true).
20. Say "I love you" everyday--and mean it. Don't let it just be three words. Remember what it felt like the first time you heard it/said it--try to capture that each time. Love changes, grows, and matures, but it shouldn't fade away.

That's it. Not much, not rocket science, but some of what I have learned. I am in no way an expert (my mom and dad have been married for 32 years...they know much more than I do)...but I do know more now that I did five years ago. And I am just as happy as I was in that picture. Sure, we have had rough patches, but I think that is something that happens--and we have always come back to one another.

Married readers: share your advice with us...I know I still have a lot to learn!

And TJ, if you read this: Happy Anniversary! I love you now more than ever.